


DREAMIN' CHUCHU- CHOCO-LA-TA-TA-TA-TA

by RyftWyrd



Series: Noodlepocalypse [12]
Category: Undertale
Genre: And chocolate!!, BNHA crossover, Discount Chocolates, FLUFF!!, Fake suicide attempt, Other, Referenced/discussed suicide, Star Wars crossover, Underfell, Undertale (Vanilla), Valentine's Day, awkward crushes, communication!!, genderless reader, mafiatale, nonbinary reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 12:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22496347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyftWyrd/pseuds/RyftWyrd
Summary: Chapter 1: Human!Papyrus/Reader- You're a security guard for the high-sec psych ward at your hospital, and your best friend there is Sans, but sometimes you really hate him because he teases you mercilessly about your crush on his younger brother Papyrus. Vanilla Human!AU.Chapter 2: Fell!Sith!Sans/Reader- You're a Jedi. Sans is a Sith. There's a very minor complication between the laws of the galaxy that say you two should be fighting to the death. You're married to him. Star Wars!AUChapter 3: Fell!Quirk!Papyrus/Reader- You rescue a villain's dog and join his team. A slow burn stuffed into 3k words, less fluffy than the rest. Quirk!AU (BNHA crossover)Chapter 4: Mafia!Sans/Reader- Summary To Be Announced, Vanilla Mafia!AuFour drabbles of dumb cheesy fluff, cause I wanted to write something cute and funny. Rated teen because there's sexual innuendos and some cursing. Also there's kissing~
Relationships: Papyrus & Reader, Papyrus & Sans, Papyrus/Reader, Sans & Reader, Sans/Reader
Series: Noodlepocalypse [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/626513
Comments: 18
Kudos: 37





	1. Human!Papyrus/Security Guard!Reader

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SixthSeason](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SixthSeason/gifts), [Norasilotak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Norasilotak/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is not enough non-harem/non-swap Papyrus/Reader out there ;P so I've made it my mission to fix that with both cute and serious works.

Valentine's Day. You normally hate it, and you expected to wake up with normal levels of spite towards the commercialized holiday, but you only feel fluffy nervousness and anticipation as you roll out of bed and flop onto the soft carpet. _Damn this crush_. He's not going to notice you, you know.

You go to work as usual, scoffing at your coworkers exchanging candy hearts and chocolate truffles. The few couples working in the hospital are even more lovey-dovey than normal, since the usual ban on PDA has been lifted for this one starsdamned day.

At least the high-sec ward is relatively quiet. You sigh and start to make your rounds with the nurse on duty. It's easier to smile and be friendly to people who aren't rubbing their love lives in your face.

"Heya, Sans." You greet the chubby old man as he waddles to the rec room. "Going to get _wrecked?_ "

"heh." He never fails to chuckle at the old beaten-to-death pun. "maybe tell the cooks to make us some oatmeal one of these days, ey? there's a good human."

You snort. "Maybe don't fling your eggs at everyone just because they hate your singing, ey? There's a good skeleton." You pat his head with mock condescension. He pats your head back, and for a few minutes, you're both just patting each other's heads- until he lets one loose. "Sans, I'm so disappointed in you." You say with a straight face.

"that's got to brie the knife-est thing anybody's ever swiss't me."

"That- doesn't even make sense, Sans." You sigh with a giggle and turn to check on the other inmates.

"you cheddar let my bro in when he visits."

"You know me, I could never lock him out." You say with mock aghastness.

"oh yeah, i know _they_ would, _pal_." Sans mutters darkly. You glance over your shoulder to see if he's glaring at you, but he's already turned to continue to the rec room.

"Saaaaanssss," You skip over to him when he's relaxing on a lounge chair and flipping through channels. "Don't be mad at me, Sans. They locked him out _one time_." And that was when he came at two'o'clock in the morning.

"one time is one too many." Sans glowers at you. "but i suppose you can be forgiven since you weren't in on it. by the way, you get him any chocolate?"

Your face and neck blaze with heat. "U-uh- he wouldn't- uh, he wouldn't want chocolate from _me_ , haha, I bet he gets so many admirers."

Sans smirks. "yeah, that's my cool bro alright."

"An-anyway- chocolate is so expensive." You mumble.

"not after today, it's not." He says. "it all goes on discount. you should get him some tomorrow."

"Y-yeah!" You pump your fist in the air. "I'll get you some too!"

"nah, not me. i'm covered. i got one or two admirers already. but Paps would be real excited you thought of him."

You go through the rest of the day nervous and excitedly awaiting Papyrus's arrival. On a whim, you draw up a card for him in the break room, but then when you realize what you're doing, you crumple it and toss it in the trash. Papyrus doesn't like you, anyway.

####

"Heya, Sans." You step casually in front of the doors as Sans approaches them. He's wearing nursing scrubs and somehow got hold of a nurse's ID card.

"bollocks." Sans mutters his favorite curse word. "can't ya, i dunno, pretend you didn't see me?"

"Let's see, this is what, the sixth time this week? Are you trying for a record, there, bone-boy?" You say, hiding your disappointment that his brother never showed up today.

"heh, maybe." Sans says, grinning. "or maybe i just wanna get the fuck outta here before your nurses suck my soul out."

"Sans, _sweetie_ ," You say patronizingly, "We need you to stay here. The fate of the _world_ rests on _your_ containment."

"yeah right, i'm a skeleton, not a demon." He grumbles, but relaxes at the familiar banter anyway. It's sort of an inside joke between him and you that he's a major league villain who's been captured and had his memories taken away. "alright, you shithead. take me away."

"For what?" You ask innocently. "All I see is a skeleton trying to disguise himself as a nurse wandering around the dining room. If he happened to put the uniform and the ID badge back where he found them, I don't think I'd have to take any action."

"heh. you lazy bum, i approve of you." Sans winks and shuffles away. Then he turns and grins at you. "uh, what should this skeleton do about the unconscious nurse in his bedroom? hypothetically, of course."

"Saaaanssss. Your brother will be so disappointed in you!" You groan-yell.

"heh. don't bring him into this, pal." Sans glares.

"Does the nurse know you knocked them out??"

"uh. no?"

You groan again, but help him drag the nurse out to the dining room table. "I'm going to be in so much trouble if anybody finds out." You grumble.

"don't worry, kiddo. i got your back. you'll be spine." 

####

The next day, to your surprise, you're not discharged for aiding an inmate--well, _patient_ is the proper term, but they're technically prisoners of the system. The other security guards are all confused about the blank spot in the video recordings over a certain time. You don't ask Sans how he did it. The less you know about his illegal activities, the better. _Sometimes you wonder if he really is a supervillain._

Papyrus arrives in the afternoon, before your break, so you don't get a chance to get him chocolate. You'll have to bring some tomorrow. "Hello, Mr. Skeleton." You greet him at the door with a smile, hoping to the stars your eyes aren't broadcasting helpless puppy love.

"HELLO, MX. HUMAN!!" He cries and the other guards wince at his high volume. "MAY I GIVE YOU A HUG?"

You should say no. But you've never been able to resist saying yes to him. You nod, nervously trying to recall if you remembered to wear deodorant today. Thankfully, you did.

He wraps his strong wiry arms around you and you snuggle your nose into his scarf, which smells of basil and tomato sauce. Sometimes he picks you up off the ground, but not today. He lets go a bit earlier than normal, too, his brown cheeks darkening as he runs a hand through his gorgeous mop of black hair. "S-SO!! WHERE IS SANS?" He asks.

You lead him to his lazy brother, chatting with him along the way. You're technically supposed to just point, but you've never done that with Papyrus. "How's Undyne?"

"SHE IS- FEELING RATHER _MURDERY_ TODAY." He narrows his gold-flecked brown eyes in a disapproving scowl. "BUT I UNDERSTAND WHY. SOME MAN FLIRTED WITH HER WIFE."

"Aww, I'd probably be murdery too if I wanted to protect my significant other."

"NOW, NOW, YOU CAN'T BE MURDERY JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE JEALOUS." He pats your head, making your face heat and the fluffy nervousness in your chest writhe happily. "I WOULDN'T BE MURDERY. I MIGHT THRASH THE UNWANTED SUITOR TO WITHIN AN INCH OF HIS LIFE AND MAKE HIM BEG FOR MERCY, BUT I WOULDN'T _KILL_ HIM."

You stare at him, realizing distantly that his words should probably scare you. But instead you're _mooning_ over him like a lovesick cat. "That's hot." You say without thinking, and then clap your hands over your mouth in mortification. "I- I mean- it would be! If I had a datemate who was- was _like_ you, not you specifically, I realize you don't like me like that, and I'm not saying I do!!" You ramble, realizing too late that you're digging yourself deeper into a hole of your own making. "Oh stars." You hang your head and wait for his laughter.

"O-OH." He says in a strangled sort of voice. "OF COURSE I AM QUITE HOT, AND IT'S NOT JUST BECAUSE OF THE SUN OUTSIDE MAKING EVERYONE HOT, I AM A DASHING PARAGON OF STRENGTH AND MAGNIFICENCE, SO YOU DON'T NEED TO BE ASHAMED OF YOUR ATTRACTION TO ME!!" He cries. You glance up nervously and see his cheeks are puffed out in embarrassed petulance and he can't quite meet your eyes. He was tryng to make you feel better by embarrassing himself.

You punch his arm lightly and he cackles. "And so humble, too." You tease.

"Y-YES, WELL. HUMILITY IS OVERRATED." He preens.

"will ya two stop flirting and talk to me, already?" Sans whines. "i'm the one you came to visit, aren't i??"

Papyrus smirks. "ARE YOU?" You blush, despite knowing he's only teasing his brother.

"you're so cruel. i can't believe you, my own blood, would choose a hoe over a bro."

"TH-THEY ARE NOT A HOE!! TAKE THAT BACK!!" Papyrus cries and smacks Sans over the head with a pillow from the lounge chair.

"they're totally a hoe for you, bro." Sans says.

"I hate you." You complain. "After all I've done for you, you stab me in the back."

"i bet you'd beg for Papyrus to stab ya." Sans snarks back and you squeak and hide your face in mortification. "ohh, papyrus, please, ahh, you're so strong and virile-"

"Stop it!!" You grab the pillow from the frozen Papyrus and hit Sans repeatedly with it.

"don't pretend you don't fantasize about him." Sans smirks as you shriek at him.

Papyrus finally unfreezes, only to shout, "OKAY!! WELL!! I AM DONE HERE!! GOOD DAY, _BROTHER_!! GOOD DAY, CUTE SECURITY GUARD!!" With that, he spins and runs to the doors.

"Now look what you've done!" You cry and hit Sans with the pillow again. "You made him hate me!!"

"welp, kiddo, you just go buy him chocolate as an apology and he'll forgive ya." Sans winks. "also, are ya missing the part where he called ya _cute_?"

You freeze and think back. Then you collapse onto the floor in a puddle. "Oh my stars." You giggle like a teenager when their crush looks at them for the first time. "He called me cute."

Sans chuckles. "i mean, you did call him hot, so maybe he was just taking revenge."

"I- I did? Oh _stars_. He must think I'm an idiot." You groan.

"go get him chocolate, kid. if ya don't, well."

"If you say your stupid one-liner again, Sans, I swear to the stars-"

"yer gonna have a bad time." He winks and you groan, flopping your arm to try to smack him from where you are on the ground. "what? come on, the humans love it. they worship me when i say that."

"That's cause you've _brainwashed_ them, you dumbass." You grumble. "And that's the code phrase you use to activate their programming."

"ohhh." He muses. "so... was i really a supervillain?"

You glare at him. "I'm starting to wonder the same thing."

"i musta had some killer boss music. somethin' like- hmm. doo-doo-doo doo. doo doo doo. doo-doo doo-doo-doo doo. doo doo doo."

"That's the stupidest boss music I've ever heard, Sans."

"nah, it woulda been epic." He grins. "i can almost hear it play every time the nurses try to make me take those stupid meds."

"You really need to take those." You grumble.

"hey. if those nurses ever manage to make me take those meds, well. they're gonna-"

" _You're_ gonna have a _rad_ time, because for once in your supervillainy life, you'll have gumption." You interrupt.

"gumption, huh. gumption is overrated. ethics are overrated. caring is overrated." He grins at you. "but Papyrus? he ain't ever overrated."

"Ugh, I hate you."

"ditto."

"Say it back." You blep at him.

"nah, too much work."

"You- you're okay with me, uh, liking your brother?" You ask.

"nah." He says. "you're just the least of all the evils. i can't keep him safe, but at least you would do your darndest to not hurt him. and if you do hurt him-"

" _Don't say it_." You warn.

"you'll regret it for the rest of your dramatically shortened life." He finishes and winks at you. "there, see? i can be scary when i wanna be."

"That wasn't scary, that was still cheesy as fuck." You shove him lightly.

"oh no, patient abuse!" He cries. "i'm being physically assaulted by a security guard! help!"

"Oh, shut up."

He stands up and you walk with him back to his room to make sure he doesn't fall down. "seriously, though, i think you'd be good for him."

"Aww." You grin. "Does this mean I have your blessing?"

He stops at the water fountain and flicks water at you. "there. be blessed."

"I'm wet now."

"don't tell that to me, tell that to Paps." He grins and you shriek quietly and stomp your foot.

"Seriously??"

"don't call me seriously. the name's sans."

"You are horrible!!"

"aww, thanks, the feeling's mutual." He closes his door in your face, like usual, and you shake your head, sighing with annoyed fondness.

####

You have a two-hour break each day separating your two six-hour shifts. During the break today, you head to the nearest chocolate store, and sure enough it's all on sale. You clap your hands happily and open the door. Then freeze as you see Papyrus musing over the key lime truffles. Oh stars, what if he'll think you're stalking him??

You should escape before he sees you and go to a different store, but you sneak to another aisle and start examining the different coffee truffles. You know he likes coffee, and you know he likes raspberries. So you collect a baggie of different flavors, including some experimental ones that seem tasty, like mango and dragonfruit.

The door's chime rings as someone either leaves or enters. Youhope it means Papyrus left, so you venture cautiously to the cashier. "OH- H-HELLO! F-FANCY SEEING YOU HERE!" Oops. You hide the bag of chocolate behind your back, blushing. Papyrus grins nervously at you. "I DON'T HAVE ANY CHOCOLATE, NO SIRREE, AND IT'S DEFINITELY NOT FOR ANYBODY YOU KNOW, NOPE!!"

"N-neither do I!!" You squeak, inexplicably hopeful. "And if I did, it wouldn't be for anybody you know, either!!"

"WELL, THEN, NOW THAT THAT'S SETTLED, SHALL WE PAY?" He says.

"O-oh, yeah. You first." You smile innocently.

"N-NO, I INSIST, YOU GO FIRST."

"Actually, I forgot something in this aisle where I can't see you!!" You retreat behind a wall of chocolates.

"CLEVER, VERY CLEVER." Papyrus says with a smirk in his voice and your heart nearly explodes. "ALRIGHT, I PAID, SO NOW IT'S YOUR TURN!!"

You pay the cashier, who just smiles knowingly at you. "Shh." You hiss at her. She nods and winks. Then you turn around and stride out the door.

Papyrus waits for you right outside. "SO. I WAS THINKING. SINCE WE'RE BOTH HEADED TO YOUR HOSPITAL ANYWAY. YOU COULD GUARD ME ON MY WAY!! YOU ARE A SECURITY GUARD, AFTER ALL."

"But, Papyrus, I'm off-duty." You reply, hiding your bag of chocolate futilely. 

"OH, DO YOU NEED PAYMENT?" He asks, looking cheerfully concerned.

"U-uh-" Your brain immediately leaps to _pay with a kiss_ , but that would be so inappropriate. "N-no."

"OH." He seems disappointed.

"Un-unless you wanted to." You offer. "Y'know. Kiss me or something." Oh _stars_ did you actually say that out loud?? "I mean!! Haha, you don't have to!! Your company is enough for me!!"

Papyrus keeps walking. You glance at him, unsure how he's feeling. "Sorry if that was too forward." You mumble.

"N-NO, THAT'S- THAT'S FINE!! I- I AM JUST THE SHOCK!!" He cries. "BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D WANT A KISS FROM ME!! I WOULD LOVE TO- TO KISS YOU, BUT I THINK WE SHOULDN'T DO IT AT YOUR HOSPITAL!!"

"Y-you would??" You say, becoming _the shock_ as well. "Wait!! I lied, the chocolate is for you!"

"NYEH HEH HEH, I KNOW." He says. "UH. I MAYBE LIED TOO. THE CHOCOLATES I BOUGHT ARE ALSO FOR YOU."

He offers his bag at the same time that you offer yours, and you awkwardly switch bags, facing each other. "Y-you're really kind and smart." You mumble. "I like you."

"You Are Clever And Sweet." Papyrus says quietly. "I Like You Too."

"W-wanna kiss?" You grin, your heart thumping out of your chest.

"Yes." He says, then taps his hands together. "B-but I Have Never Done The Dating Or The Kissing Before."

"That's okay, it takes practice." You say, failing to get any more embarrassed by your forwardness. "Want me to show you?"

He nods. You wrap a hand around his neck and another around his waist and press your lips to his. It's nothing special. Kisses never really are anything special. Just soft lips warm against yours. But it's _him_. And the fluffiness in your chest expands and flutters through your bones. You pull away, staring at him with soft eyes.

"W-wowie." He murmurs. "Can I Try Again?"

"Y-yeah." You say and this time he initiates, chastely smooching you. You giggle into the kiss and hug him, snuggling into his scarf when he breaks away. "We should probably go back to the hospital." You say.

"O-OH YEAH!! AND THEN DO YOU WANT TO COME TO MY PLACE FOR DINNER?" He offers. "WE CAN WATCH THE VIDEO RECORDINGS OF SANS DOING DUMB SHIT WHEN HE THINKS THE NURSES AREN'T WATCHING!!"

You stare at him, then burst out laughing. "Y-you- you're the one who doctored the tapes??" You cry.

"N-NO, THAT WAS ALPHYS!!"

"How did Sans even- no, I don't want to know. I'm dating a villain, the brother of a supervillain, the less I know, the better."

Papyrus smirks and leans in as though to kiss your cheek, but instead whispers in your ear, "Don't Worry, Human. You'll Soon Be Initiated Into Our Villainous Organization."

You shove him and laugh. He grins proudly. Hand in hand, you walk with him into the sunset.

 _Ouch_ , _there's_ _light shining in your eyes. Sunsets are overrated._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is a Fell!Sans/Reader drabble. I've actually never written Sans/Reader before, but a friend of mine likes him (you know who you are) ;P so I'm gonna try to make them blush ;P
> 
> Let me know what you thought, or any ideas/prompts you'd like to see implemented in the coming chapters!! :D


	2. Fell!Sith!Sans/Jedi!Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not sure why nobody commented on the last chapter :P but maybe y'all'er shy. Thanks for reading and kudosing anyways ;P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's for SixthSeason, using their OC Casey ;P They have a work called "Don't Shoot The Messenger", it's a Sans/OC work, and it's really really good, you should check it out ;P 
> 
> This one's a bit shorter cause I'm not used to working with other peoples' OCs and I've never actually written Sans/Reader before. I generally stick to Papyrus/Reader ;P

"heh, you look a bit tied up at the moment." Darth Sans stares up at you with his pointy teeth curved in a permanent grin.

"Oh, fuck you." You snap and struggle against the silk webs binding you to the ceiling. "Get me down so I can whip your ass!"

"is that a promise?" His grin widens. "cause you know how much i hate people who break their promises."

"Since when have I ever broken a single promise to you??"

"hmm. you got a point there, sweetheart."

"You gonna cut me down, or what??"

"i'm thinking." Sans just grins as you curse him. "you look like a pretty tasty morsel up there, all restrained and stuff."

"Oh my _god_ , Sans, just cut me down already, you can talk kinky all you want _after_ I've whipped your ass for stealing Senator Augra's jewels!"

"this deal's soundin' sweeter and sweeter. maybe i should let ya stay up there a bit longer, see how much of yer Jedi Virtue yer willing to sacrifice." He winks.

" _Lord_ , how much more do you want??" You'd flip him off, but you fingers are wrapped in sticky silk. "Or is me calling you _husband_ not enough for ya, now??"

"hey, if i call ya _prince_ , maybe you can call me _queen_. queen sans the magnificent."

"Bitch." You grumble.

"hmm, now _bitch_ don't exactly have the right ring to it."

"I refuse to call you queen, you motherfucker. Now fucking cut me down before the spider comes back."

"nah, prince." He smirks. You want to either punch that smirk or kiss it, and it's a toss-up as to which choice you'll end up bestowing on him.

"Oh my god, you bastard, you're just enjoying the view, aren't you!!" You struggle against the webs. "When I get loose, you're going to be in so much trouble!!"

"oo, i'm so scared. look at ya. tiny little bugger. ya wouldn't be able ta beat me in a fight."

You stiffen. "What. The fuck. Did you just say."

Sans should know by now to not push your buttons on your height. You don't have a complex. You're just a bit sensitive. "i said yer short."

"Cut me down and fucking say that to my face, you goddamned motherfucker!!"

"this is why i love ya, short stuff." Sans starts to walk away, but he _accidentally_ drops your lightsaber on the ground as he reaches the cave exit. "oops."

Before he can reach down to get it, you will it into your hand and slash the silk so that you tumble out. There's still disgusting threads all over your robes, but now you can flip him off, so you do so. He laughs at you. "Come here, you fucking sonuva bitch!" You stomp after him.

"whoa, hennesey." He says and you deactivate your lightsaber immediately. "you good?"

You stare at him, disbelieving. "You- you have the gall to ask me that after I was stuck in a fucking spiderweb for half of a goddamn hour while you're cracking jokes and making fun of me??"

"look, i'm real sorry, but i thought you knew." He says placatingly.

"Knew what."

"the spider's been dead for years."

"Then how'd I get stuck in the spiderwebs in the first place, genius??" He scratches the back of his skull and looks away. "Oh. Sans, you didn't."

"i needed to buy time for my team to get out safe. sorry, sweetheart, but ya know i can't leave'em for the imps."

"You fucker." You say, but there's no malice to it. "Okay, what'd you steal this time?"

"eh, nothin' much."

You cross your arms. "Are you gonna let me join you, at least??"

"we still need an eye in the jedi temple." He replies.

"You've got Papyrus's datemate. You don't need me, too."

"i always need ya." He says softly, stepping closer.

"You need me with you." You say firmly. "I can help you get past blockades."

"ya could. or ya could stay with the jedi, where it's safe."

"Sans." You say, annoyed but fond.

"yes, dear?"

"Great job keeping me safe from years-dead spiders."

Turns out passionate embraces transfer spiderwebs, so you get revenge on him anyhow.

####

It's on a warm planet in the morning when you buy a box of candy and hide it behind your back when you return to Sans's ship. He's just napping in the lounge, while his team is out robbing a noble's house. You sit beside him and poke his shoulder.

"eh?" He startles and grabs his lightsaber.

"Just me, Sans." You pat his skull. He grumbles incoherently and falls asleep on your shoulder.

"those for me?"

"They _were_ , but I think I'll eat them." You tease and open the box, popping one in your mouth.

"heyyy." He groans. "give it back."

"This is revenge, Sans." You say and pop another in your mouth. Then decide, what the hell, a third one can fit too.

"gimme." He grabs for the box but you keep it out of his reach. Fourth one. The candies are pretty small, so they fit easily in your cheeks. "if ya don't gimme my candies, Cas, i'm gonna hafta do somethin' real drastic."

"Oh?" You say around a mouthful of seven candies. "Wha's tha'?"

He grabs your collar and presses his teeth to your lips. You waggle your eyebrows at him. Then his red slick tongue slips out between your teeth before you can clench them. "Mmf!" You cry indignantly, _hey_!!

His hot tongue wiggles in your mouth, and you try to swallow down the candies before he can steal them, but he snatches at least four and brings them back to his mouth, chewing them with a satisfied smirk. "you wanna try eatin' my candies again?" He rumbles lazily.

You scowl at him. "Oh, buster, you're not getting these that easily." And you pop the rest of the candy into your mouth. He immediately smooches you again, but this time you keep your lips and teeth closed. "HA!" You say when he glowers at you. Then you realize your mistake as his tongue darts back into your mouth.

You manage to ward him off with your own tongue while you keep the candies in your cheeks, but he still steals quite a few. Finally, you swallow the last one and grin triumphantly. "I got more!"

"you did, huh." His grin twists evilly. "i think i can still taste some in your mouth, though." And so you end up kissing him for a good half an hour more, until he decides there's no more candy flavor.

"I shoulda tried that years ago." You tease.

"oh yeah, sweetheart? i woulda bit out yer tongue if ya tried that trick afore we knew each other." He winks.

"But you still would have kissed me." You note.

"eh. probably, yeah. you are real attractive." His honesty sends heat to your face and you're thankful he can't see your blush.

"Am not." You mumble.

"yeah, ya are. believe me, sweetheart. i've been around the galaxy. yer gorgeous."

You shove him playfully. "And you're a dumbass."

"ouch, my heart!" He cries. "you've wounded me! Cas, how could ya do a thing like this to me?"

He's a big dork. But that's why you love him.


	3. Fell!Quirk!Papyrus/Quirk!Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for discussion of suicide. This one is less fluffy, but it's still goofy and not too serious.

Blood leaks from the five bullet wounds in the dog's side. He whines, wagging his fluffy white tail, as you carefully wrap gauze around his muzzle so he can't bite you as you bind the wounds. He seems to be a sweet dog, a samoyed if you're correct, but you'd rather not risk it. After his wounds have been treated as best you can, you carefully lift him off the muddy alley onto a towel in the back of your car.

The closest open vet clinic is nine miles away, so you call it and tell them you're coming. You can't afford the police pulling you over, so you drive at the speed limit. When you reach the clinic, the vets rush out and carry the samoyed inside on a stretcher. You lock your car and follow them inside.

It takes a couple hours, but you wait patiently. Eventually, one of the vets comes out to talk to you. "That your dog?" Jenna, her name is.

"No." You say with a smile as you meet her eyes. " ** _Trust me, Jenna_**." She sways, her eyes flickering purple for a moment. "Do you have healing quirks here?"

"Yes, three. The dog bit one of them, but we managed to restrain it. It's fine now." Jenna answers.

"Good, I'll take him."

"Who should I bill?"

You smile at her. "My uncle, Dreamboat."

If she weren't under the influence of your quirk, she'd be raising an eyebrow and possibly chuckling if she has a sense of humor. As it is, she just nods and writes that down. "Very well, Mx. Dreemurr- or is there another name you prefer?"

"Mx. Dreemurr is fine."

"I'll get your dog." She says and walks away.

The only other patient is a dumpy raptor in a lab coat who brought in a russian blue cat. You recognize her as the reclusive villain Fixation. She squirms on her seat as you sit beside her. "R-related to r-royalty, huh?"

"Mhm." You answer noncomittally, not wanting to strain your energy too much tonight.

"Wh-what's your hero name?"

You glance down at her. She looks away, unable to make eye contact. "I don't know you." You lie. "You could be a villain."

"Fa-fa-fair enough." She stammers with wide eyes. "B-but so could you."

"Heh." You chuckle and slap her back. She flinches. "Good one, Doc. You really think Dreamboat would let another villain in his family live?"

"D-don't joke about that!"

You stand up as Jenna returns with the dog. "Thanks." You say and attach a leash you took from the display stand to his collar. Fixation stares at you. You wink and blow a kiss to her before walking out of the clinic with the dog following meekly behind you.

When you get back to your apartment, you check your doors and windows carefully for tampering. It's all clean, so you relax and kneel by the samoyed to check his collar. It's a leather collar embedded with sharp spikes, and you avoid those as you flip over the metal tag. There's just the dog's name, Ruffian, and then a number.

"Ruffian, huh." You grin and pat the dog. "Let's see who your owner is."

You search the directory of phone numbers in a fifty mile radius around the city. The number on his collar comes up as unlisted. Hm. You call it. "Hello?"

"WHERE'S RUFFIAN??" The person on the other end practically shouts. "WHAT'VE YOU DONE TO HIM??"

"Chill." You say, peeved that you can't activate your quirk over the phone. "I found him. He's alright."

"HE'D BETTER BE COMPLETELY HEALTHY WHEN YOU RETURN HIM." The voice barks. "TAKE HIM TO THE WESTERN WHARF AT SIX IN THE MORNING AND AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTION."

"Who are you?"

"OH, AND ONE MORE THING, DON'T ASK STUPID QUESTIONS AND DON'T DO ANYTHING FOOLISH LIKE DISOBEY. I HAVE A TRACKER ON YOUR PHONE NOW AND I WILL BE EXTREMELY DISPLEASED IF YOU TRY TO RENEGE."

You hang up. Who do they think they are?? You're not going to let yourself be pushed around by some random asshole.

####

The dock rocks with the gentle waves as you walk down it with Ruffian by your side. The time is eight in the morning, two hours late. Whoever the owner is, they haven't called you yet. You sigh and sit down with your feet dangling in the water, letting Ruffian lay down behind you. His tail whacks your face and you splutter.

Reading the news on your phone, you scroll through the headlines. They're all run-of-the-mill hero propaganda. You reach a recent post about the hero Doggo stopping Skyfall this morning at seven-thirty. Skyfall got away, but he's badly wounded. Doggo recieves praise and adulation for her bravery, while Skyfall only ever gets hate and disgust.

As far as villains go, he's not even that heinous. He usually only does publicity stunts to gain awareness for the corruption of the hero companies and the _so-called charities_ that line the pockets of billionaires. It's a rare occurrence when you'll hear of his league actually killing someone, and when it happens, it's always because that person deserved far worse.

"Th-There You Are." A strained version of the voice from last night's phone call comes from behind you. You stand up and click your tongue at Ruffian, who wags his tail and growls low. "Don't Turn Around, And Release Ruffian From The Leash."

You frown. "Are you alright? You sound hurt."

"I- I'm- Fi- AAGH!" There's a clatter as though several hard objects hit the wooden planks. You spin instinctively. Then gape at Ruffian's owner.

"Wow. Okay. You're hurt." You regain your voice, trying to not sound too starstruck. Ruffian pulls on the leash. Carefully approach Skyfall and hold out a hand. "Here, I know some first aid. Do you have a healer?"

"Y-Yes, But For Obvious Reasons, I Could Not Immediately Meet With Her." He gasps in pain. His armor has been torn and burned in places, his ribs cracked and his spine bent, one leg dragging behind him, severely fractured. He struggles up onto one knee- patella, rather, and glares in frustration at the ground. Helicopters thump-thump above; the news crews inside will jump at the chance to direct Doggo or another hero to Skyfall's location. They're still far away but they're sweeping closer.

"Hey, we need to get out of here." You kneel by him and offer a hand. "What's your name?"

He forces his head up to glare into your eyes. "I Don't Trust You, _Zero_." He snarls breathlessly. Euphoria bubbles in your chest but you manage to keep your cool. He knows of you. _Skyfall_ knows _you_ , small-time villain Zero. "Don't Look S-So Amazed. I Researched You After Dis-Discovering You Found My Dog."

"I'll take you to my hideout." You offer recklessly. "I have some healing items there that could help you. You look like you're about to dust, dude."

He groans, but doesn't resist as you pick him up and carry him back to your car. The tinted windows will keep him hidden from the helicopters for the time being. In your car, there's gauze and pain medicine, as well as one regeneration shot. You had been saving it for an emergency. This counts, though. Skyfall drinks the shot and lays limply in the back of the car. Ruffian hops up in the passenger seat.

"Is there anybody I can call for you?" You ask.

"They're Tr-Tracking You." He growls quietly. "If You Do Anything To Me, They'll Come A-After You."

By taking him to your hideout, you're lowering your guard and showing him your vulnerabilities. He'll be mostly healed by the time you arrive. He could easily kill you then.

But Skyfall doesn't kill. You're sure of that, so you act in that assurance and park in the alley by the small outpost where you've set up your HQ. Carry him inside and set him on the couch. Ruffian follows and lays down, nuzzling Skyfall's hand. You rummage for healing items and then toss him a bar.

He catches it, already more mobile. In a flash of green, the rest of his wounds heal. He sits up. You grab a couple cans of beer and offer one to him.

"Why Are You Helping Me?" He asks, scowling, but he takes the beer and cracks it open.

Your face heats under his scrutiny. For once, you don't even consider trying to ask his name. As soon as you know his name, you could use your quirk on him. But you don't really want to. Not on him."I- I admire you." You admit.

His skull flushes red. "Y-YES, WELL. AS ADMIRABLE AS I AM, THAT STILL DOES NOT EXPLAIN WHY YOU'RE SHOWING ME YOUR HIDEOUT. YOU DO REALIZE MY WHOLE LEAGUE NOW KNOWS WHERE YOU WORK. IT WAS INCREDIBLY STUPID OF YOU TO BRING ME HERE." His voice jumps back to a boom as though he can't control his volume.

"Says the dude who'd be dust if I didn't." You retort, stung by the criticism.

He raises an eye-ridge at you. "REALLY. YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU HAD NO IDEA THAT THE REGENERATION SHOT WOULD HEAL ALL MY WOUNDS. PERHAPS NOT IMMEDIATELY, BUT YOU COULD HAVE DROPPED ME OFF SOMEWHERE NEUTRAL AND I STILL WOULD HAVE OWED YOU MY LIFE."

You look away. "Er-"

"WHATEVER THE CASE, I'M IN YOUR DEBT TWICE OVER NOW." He says. "AS YOU SAVED RUFFIAN AS WELL. NAME YOUR PRICE. DO YOU WANT MONEY? GEAR?"

"Can I join your league?" You ask immediately, your hopes rising.

"I STILL DON'T TRUST YOU TO NOT USE YOUR QUIRK ON ME OR MINE." He frowns. "BUT I SUPPOSE THAT'S A RISK WITH ANYBODY. IF YOU TRY, I WILL MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO USE YOUR QUIRK AGAIN."

Wait, he didn't say no. "So-"

He nods. "YES, I SUPPOSE I COULD MAKE USE OF YOUR TALENTS."

"Great!" You can't help grinning ecstatically.

##Three Years Later##

"Fixation, report."

" _N-no complications, target is en route. Operation Give D-Doggo Shit is a go._ " Fixation responds, her voice clear through the transceiver in your ear.

" _Zero, Don't Fuck Up This Time_." Skyfall says through the same device.

" _no pressure or anything_." Skyfall's brother, Sans, adds.

"Hey, Skyfall, do I get a kiss for luck?" You tease. Fixation bursts out laughing on her end of the line.

" _kiddo. bit of advice. shut the fuck up and get moving before one of us kicks your ass_." Sans growls.

"Aye, sir." You rise from your position on the rooftop and run forward. "Hey, Fixation, your gear better not break on me!"

Leap off the edge and hang suspended in the air for one brutally glorious moment. Then the wind whistles past you as you start to fall. You scream, flailing, hoping to the stars that Doggo is close by. If she's not, well, Fixation's new gear will be put to the test.

Then your fall abruptly halts, since whatever quirk Doggo has works by dispelling your inertia to freeze you in place instantaneously. The ground is about ten feet below you. "Hey, punk! I'm gonna release you and catch you again, alright?? Here goes!"

You're prepared for the release, but you let out another scream just for show. Doggo scoffs and catches you when you're a foot away from the ground. "Please, you're fine, squirt. The ambulance is on its way."

"F-fuck you!" You snarl, writhing in the grip of her quirk. Your knees hit the ground.

"What's that??" Doggo stomps towards you.

"Why didn't you just let me die??" You cry, tears welling in your eyes. "They're just going to lock me up again for god knows how long for being crazy, but I'm not crazy!! I just need to die!!"

Doggo clicks her tongue and comes closer. "That won't do, squirt. You gotta accept whatever comes in life!! Meet it with passion!!"

" _Oh my god, is this chick for real_." Fixation mutters.

"J-just let me go!" You wail. "I won't try again, just please don't let them put me back in the psych ward!"

"Woah, hey, calm down." Doggo says. "Hey, what's your name?"

"It doesn't matter!! You don't care!! Nobody cares!!" You scream and struggle futilely against her quirk.

"Hey, I'm Undyne, okay?" She says.

" _bingo_." Sans says.

You gulp and sniffle, meeting her gaze for the first time. " ** _Live, Undyne._** "

Her golden eye flickers with purple flames. She sways. You're released from her quirk. Distantly, you're aware of cheering from Fixation in your earpiece. But all you can focus on is the look of pure shock and horror on Undyne's face. You stand up and back away, smiling nervously. "You know. Settle down. Get a wife. Stop trying to die."

She staggers, her hand clenching in thin air for a spear, your cue to run. "NGAAAHHH!!!" Her roar chases you as you flee down twisting alleys according to Fixation's instructions.

You leap down into a basement and hide, panting, behind the boxes. Doggo's footsteps stomp outside. She stops. Your breath catches in your throat as her boots thud on the concrete of the basement floor. "You coward!!" She bellows. "Come out and face me!! Who are you working with, huh?? Overhaul?? The Mistress??"

" _Hey, kid."_ Sans says. " _Stay calm and don't breathe._ "

" _Oh wow, she's so close._ " Fixation gasps. " _Careful, she's been known to kill on occasion_."

Thanks, guys, that's _really_ reassuring. You remain frozen in your hiding spot, barely daring to breathe. Skyfall remains silent.

"Found you." Doggo hisses. You shrink as she looms over you, her golden eye burning with fury, her signature spear in her hand. "Start talking."

"About what?" You say, your lips twisting in a scared grin.

"What the fuck did you do to me." The point of her spear dips to press against your sternum. "Your quirk, what is it??" The sharp tip slices through your shirt but stops at the armor underneath.

"WE MADE IT SO YOU CAN'T GET YOURSELF KILLED, YOU IDIOT." You nearly collapse in relief as Skyfall emerges from the darkness. Sans winks at you beside Skyfall.

"What the fuck makes you think I'm trying to die??" Undyne cries. You leap up and dodge around her.

"I KNOW THAT'S WHY YOU'VE BEEN GOING AFTER OVERHAUL WITHOUT SLEEPING FOR A WEEK STRAIGHT. YOU CAN'T BURN YOURSELF OUT LIKE THIS, UNDYNE."

Doggo glares. "Like you have any right to talk, punk!! Who's the one who kept trying to go after Endeavor??"

"HE'S THE EPITOME OF THE CORRUPTION INHERENT IN THE HERO CORPS!!" Skyfall stomps his foot on the ground. "I HAVE TO TAKE HIM DOWN."

Doggo spits and looks away. "Why didn't you take the chance to get rid of me, then??" She snarls quietly. "You could have had your minion order me to kill myself or something."

"BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT CORRUPT, UNDYNE. YOU'RE A BRIGHT BEAM OF PASSIONATE JUSTICE!!"

"Fuhu. Man, you always were the idealist, weren't you, Papyrus." She mutters. "Alright. I'll let you all go this once. But stay off my radar, and _stay out of my way_."

"TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF." Skyfall- Papyrus says.

He grips Undyne's hand. The two shake with matching fearsome grins. Then Undyne lets go. "You too, punk." She stomps out of the basement.

You let out a huff. "Close one, ey?"

Papyrus scowls at you. "SANS, LEAVE US."

"you sure, bro?"

"GO."

Sans salutes and disappears. You grin nervously at your boss. "So. Uh. Do I get a kiss?"

"USE YOUR QUIRK ON ME." He says.

"Uh- what."

"YOU HEARD ME." He takes a step towards you. "I WANT YOU TO USE YOUR QUIRK ON ME. ORDER ME TO DO SOMETHING."

You struggle to meet his eyes. You know why. You can only use your quirk once per person. " ** _P-Papyrus- hit me._** "

Purple fire flickers in his sockets. He raises his hand. Then he blinks and the fire disappears. "GOOD JOB." He says and pats your head.

You stare at him in confusion. "What was that about?"

"I HAD FIXATION DO SOME RESEARCH ON YOUR QUIRK. IT TURNS OUT, THE EFFECTIVENESS OF THE ORDER IS DIRECTLY INVERSE TO HOW MUCH YOUR TARGET TRUSTS YOU. UNDYNE DIDN'T TRUST YOU AT ALL, SO IT WILL BE EXTREMELY EFFECTIVE ON HER, NYEH HEH HEH!!" He grabs your hand casually and leads you out of the basement. You follow him, dazed by the implication.

##A While Later##

You collapse on the couch in the League of Compassionate Villains and you rip apart a heart-shaped letter, inexplicably peeved that you're getting so much fanmail. Sans is practically buried in Valentine's day candies and mail. Alphys has been giggling over a secret love letter from Undyne. And Ruffian has fun pouncing on the scraps of paper as they fall to the ground.

Papyrus strides in looking irate. Sans and Alphys vanish, taking Ruffian with them, but you're too busy ripping papers up to notice everyone's disappeared until it's too late. He sits down next to you and huffs, but doesn't speak.

You offer him a box of chocolates. "Truffles. I prefer the alchoholic ones."

"I THINK I'D PREFER ALCHOHOL TOO." He says without expounding on why exactly he's in a mood. Then he grabs your hand and practically drags you out of the hideout. "LET'S GO."

"Go where?"

"SOMEWHERE. _ANYWHERE_. FIND A PLACE THAT DOESN'T CELEBRATE THIS FOOLISH FESTIVAL."

You find a small sushi bar with relatively few heart decorations and Papyrus slouches in his seat as you sit across from him in a corner booth. "So, I heard Endeavour is moving out of town." You say carefully.

Papyrus scoffs. "That Coward Couldn't Face Me."

"He nearly killed you."

"I Didn't Have My Team With Me." He retorts, and it warms you to know he's including you.

"Do you want to chase after him? I'm pretty sure I can vouch for at least two of us following you. Three if we can get Undyne to transfer cities."

Papyrus squeezes your hand a bit, reminding you that neither let go yet. "That Would Be Lovely. But That's Not What's Bothering Me."

"What, then?"

"Us." He says and your heart nearly drops to your toes. "Me, You. What Are We?"

You think for a moment, then say carefully, "Whatever we want to be."

The waiter brings a boat of sushi to the table. Papyrus thanks her and she nods before retreating. You pick up a sushi bite with your chopsticks and stare at it. Then say recklessly, "I think I love you."

Papyrus chokes on his own sushi roll. "I- I Appreciate That." He says.

"You don't have to love me back, I know you can't really risk having a partner with your line of work." You ramble in a vain attempt to stall his rejection.

"You Didn't Let Me Finish." He retorts. "I Was Going To Say That I Believe I Am In Love With You As Well, But I Can't Afford To Be Seen Dating Anyone."

You give him a sly smile. "Nobody has to see us."

He smirks back and brings your hand up to his teeth in a sort of kiss. "My Thoughts Exactly."

####

Rooftops are a lovely place to watch as the purples and oranges of the sunset give way to the cold blue-black of the starry sky. You snuggle into Papyrus's side under his arm and rest your head on his ribcage. The gentle thrum of his soul pulses in his bones. Tomorrow there will be responsibilities to face and heroes to take down, but for now, it's just you and him, and that's all that matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus: Villain name - Skyfall; Quirk - Gravitation (Controls the gravity of the target)  
> Alphys: Villain name - Fixation; Quirk - Fixation (Can fix any technology and improve it, but doesn't work so well on biological components)  
> Sans: Villain name - Sans; Quirk - Shortcut (teleportation)  
> Undyne: Hero name - Doggo; Quirk - Doggo (freeze the target in place)  
> Reader: Villain name - Zero; Quirk - Geass (order the target to do something. Only works with eye contact, the real name of the target, and only once per person.)  
> Asgore: Hero name - Dreamboat; Quirk - Flower Power (I dunno, I just made this up right now.)  
> Muffet: Villain name - The Mistress; Quirk - Spiders (talks to and controls all spiders)  
> Others: I dunno.  
> I was pretty lazy with the world-building of this, it was just supposed to be a one shot showcasing the potential for a BNHA crossover ;P If anybody is inspired, feel free to take any ideas and run with them.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! I love feedback, if you're comfortable leaving it ;P Don't worry, I don't bite ~~without consent.~~


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